How boring can my life get? Food, sex and escaping danger; is there anything else I do? Oh, sorry, I said ‘I’, I shouldn’t be saying such things. What! I said it again, and again. It’s hopeless. But what do you expect? Its true that I am a fly, but I am a fly inside your head. I am the fly you decided to make a fly. And no matter what happens, no matter how advanced your ‘science’ gets I will always be that fly in your head, buzzing around endlessly in that little blob over your shoulders. Anyways, I was flying around searching for a mate – it was the right time for sex, if you know what I mean – when 1000 huge black shapes suddenly appeared, and descending from them 1000 humans or maybe just you. But you know how sad my life is. In a fraction of a second I forgot sex, and stupidly enough forgot danger and approached the 1000 black shapes looking for food. It seems when Skinner proposed his theory of conditioning he didn’t have flies in mind. For we are so hopelessly stupid, so decadently idiotic that even conditioning – the most primitive of all life’s rules that govern behaviour – is too complex for us. Despite being squashed, poisoned, trapped and burned relentlessly over the centuries we have learnt nothing.
Well I was lingering in a corner of that huge black shape, realizing that no food will be found, when the whole world started moving. Again in a fraction of a second I remembered that now is the time to escape danger. You see – I don’t think – it just comes to me. I don’t even care, because even if I did care to know why it all just comes to me I wouldn’t learn anything. I am so stupid. After numerous attempts at bringing back the world I know, I realized that that is no longer possible. Maybe this is the world now – a huge black thing that moves. A world where there are no other flies, no food and no danger to escape. Funny, and I thought my life couldn’t get anymore boring – now it did.
But what is that happening to me? Is it even possible? I feel something stirring, a secret revolt, a rebellion fermenting inside me. In me? I never knew there was an in to me. It’s like I’ve been trapped in a spiders web but the fibers entangling me are slowly dissolving and I am set free.
And an eternal silence.
Fly, fly, what did you die for?
Fly says nothing at all.
April 2005 – Inspired by .. a fly .. that shared my five hour journey through desert and mountain across the Sinai peninsula (I never killed it by the way)